


Country Karaoke Klance

by Bang Bang Beef Keef (kelamorrison)



Series: Karaoke Klance [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Blow Jobs, But also especially Lance, But especially Keith, But he doesn't know he's bi yet, But this one is so special, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Everybody can sing especially Lance, First Time Blow Jobs, Fuckboy Lance, Gay Keith (Voltron), Hand Jobs, He/him/his pronouns for Pidge, I love all my versions of Keith, I love yeehaw Keith, Karaoke, Klance smut, Lance chases Allura without realizing Keith is flirting with him, Lance mistakes Keith for a girl... again, Live Karaoke, M/M, Not all song are country music, Porn With Plot, Semi-Public Sex, Slutty Keith, genderfluid pidge, klance, klance meet cute, musical intimidation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-01-15 08:16:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18494998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelamorrison/pseuds/Bang%20Bang%20Beef%20Keef
Summary: Lance, Hunk, and Pidge are college students who usually stick to college karaoke bars, but when Lance sees an add for Live Band Karaoke at a townie bar, he insists they check it out. He's looking for fresh meat to hit on, but after mistaking the owner of tight pair of black jeans as a girl, Lance gets stuck getting harassed by one of the regulars into buying the guy drinks all night.Excerpt:Lance’s jaw dropped. How could he -? But he’d just -! “Those jeans are way too tight for you to be a boy!”The dark haired boy cocked one eyebrow, gave Lance a quick once over and said, “Like I’m going to take fashion advice from a pair of cuffed jeans.”Lance was immediately irate. I mean, first this guy has the audacity to be male and then he insults Lance’s pants! “Well, that’s just – You can’t –”“Do I seriously have to stand here while you think of a comeback or can I go back to my drink now?”“And – well – uh,” stuttered Lance.“Tell you what,” said the guy, “I’m going to finish this.” He held up a glass with a brownish liquid on ice. “When it’s done, I’ll come find you and we’ll see what you’ve come up with.”





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crazyrandomhappenklance (miles_from_home)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miles_from_home/gifts).



> Spotify [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6XQ0tz6LwtoYvydDXVqcdH) for this fic

“Alright,” said Lance, throwing open the bar door. “Everyone know the game plan?”

“There’s a plan? I didn’t know we have a plan,” said Hunk as Lance held the door open for him. 

“It’s a very simple plan. I don’t know how you forgot it, Hunk.”

“Probably because you failed to mention there was a plan until now,” said Pidge, trailing behind the big guy.

Lance bristled and turned back to his friends. “The plan is the same plan we have every single time we go out. We act like adorable badasses, have the most fun out of anyone in the bar, I land the hottest babe, and you two bask in my awesomeness.”

“Oh, the delusional plan,” said Pidge, “Yes, I’m familiar with that one.”

“I dunno guys,” said Hunk. “We’re pretty good at the having the most fun part.”

“True,” agreed Pidge. “Plus I’m a badass and Hunk’s adorable. It’s just Lance that doesn’t hold up his end.”

“I pull plenty of tail,” said Lance, turning around to hide his frustrated face from his friends. “It’s just lately the talent pool has gotten a little shallow, a little dried up, which leads us to here.” Lance spread out his arms to take in Gorgeous Man’s Pub and Grill. The place looked a little bit country, a little bit rock and roll and a lot cheesy. Talkin’ hay on the floor, a deer skull above the bar, and Johnny Cash pictures on the wall. Full-on hillbilly, hoedown vibes. 

“So this is how the townies live,” said Pidge.

In Arus County there were two types of bars, townie bars and college bars. Lance, Hunk, and Pidge usually frequented the college bars as they were students at Shipcastle College, on the edge of town.

Lance grinned. “Seems like the perfect locale for a…. pronoun check?” He raised his eyebrow at Pidge.

“He, him, his today,” answered Pidge.

“Sweet. A perfect locale for a boy’s night out. Plus,” said Lance, leading them further into the bar in search of a table. “There are girls here.” His eyes were running along the row of townie woman pressed up against the bar, waiting to order. He came to a full stop when a particular silhouette in a pair of black skinny jeans caught his attention. “How have we not thought to come here before? Just look at this local talent.”

It was likely because they’d decided to pre-game in Hunk and Lance’s dorm room, meaning he was a couple drinks in, that his voice carried to said Black Jeans prompting the owner to turn around.

“You talkin’ to me?” asked the *guy* in the black jeans.

Lance’s jaw dropped. How could he -? But he’d just -! “Those jeans are way too tight for you to be a boy!”

The dark haired boy cocked one eyebrow, gave Lance a quick once over and said, “Like I’m gonna take fashion advice from a pair o’ cuffed jeans.”

Lance was immediately irate. I mean, first this guy has the audacity to be male and then he insults Lance’s pants! “Well, that’s just – You can’t –”

“Do I seriously have t’ stand here while you think of a comeback or can I go back to my drink now?”

“And – well – uh,” stuttered Lance. 

“Tell ya what,” said the guy, “I’m gonna finish this.” He held up a glass with a brownish liquid on ice. “When it’s done, I’ll come find ya and we’ll see what you’ve come up with.”

Lance made a dismissive sound that was something like, “pffffftpbft,” but the guy had already turned back to the bar so instead he whirled around on Hunk and Pidge. “Why didn’t you guys back me up?”

“You seemed like you had it under control,” said Pidge, oozing sarcasm.

“Probably shouldn’t gender clothing,” said Hunk. “Seems to be where the misunderstanding happened.”

“Whatever,” cheered Lance, more determined than ever to win the night. How do you win the night? By being awesome of course. “Let’s get a table and a songbook and show these townies how it’s done.”

“Pretty sure they know how it’s done,” said Hunk. “You find a song in the songbook then write down the title and your name on a slip of paper -”

“Not what I meant, Hunk,” said Lance with a dismissive wave. “I just meant we should show them how to sing good.”

“Sing well,” corrected Pidge.

“Let’s just sing weller than others,” said Lance, sparing a side-glance to the Black Jeans who was going about his life like he hadn’t given Lance the surprise of his life. His black hair was too long in the back, but not so much in the front. That’s part of why Lance was mistaken… yes… Not a shocker that a yokel had a mullet.

*

Lance and crew were no strangers to the karaoke stage. They were in their third year at Shipcastle and every Saturday night their routine was the same, pregame at Lance and Hunk’s, karaoke at Beezers, then an early morning drunken walk home along the river Altea. Problem is after you’ve been doing the same thing for over two years, shit can get stale. Also, the dating pool could get small. Like minisule. Like teeny tiny. Like there was no one left at school that didn’t know Lance’s tried a true move, which was a problem. 

Girls need to be surprised in order to fall for Lance how he usually hooked them, by picking them out, flirting in small doses (enough to get them interested, but a short enough time so he didn’t put his foot in his mouth,) buying them drinks and then… the kicker. He’d put in his song request late in the evening so he’d get called up when everyone was nice and buzzed. He’d pick a show stopping crowd pleaser that would also compliment his voice. If all went well he’d walk right off that stage, right up to that girl, and mere minutes later they’d be making out in the handicap stall inside the girl’s restroom.

Easy peasy. Well… easy peasy if the girl doesn’t know what you’re up to, but by now they all did, which meant Lance hadn’t picked up in over a month. So when Lance found a flyer for Live Karaoke the first Saturday of every month at Gorgeous Man’s Bar and Grill, he begged his friends to join him. It only took moderate groveling before Pidge agreed (Hunk is always a yes) so there they were on the first Saturday of the month.

“This book is thin,” commented Pidge. They’d scored a table not too far off from the dance floor and we perusing the songbook while waiting to get their drink orders to be taken.

“It’s a live band,” said Lance, looking towards the stage to see the musicians setting up. “There’s only so many songs they can know. I mean, when you think of it that way, it’s an impressive list.”

“But it’s mostly country songs,” pointed out Hunk, “Including a full page of Dolly Parton hits.”

“There’s some pop,” said Lance, “look on the last page.”

“Wait…,” said Pidge, looking to the stage. “If it’s a live band then there’s no scrolling lyrics.”

“I think they give you lyrics on a tablet,” said Lance, “or you can look them up on your phone.”

“No,” said Pidge, shaking his head. “I need the scrolly lyrics so I know when to sing what.”

“Just listen to the music,” said Lance.

“But where do the verses go? Where does the chorus go?” asked Pidge.

“Just count bars.”

“I don’t know how many bars are in a song? Who knows that stuff?”

“Well, it’s math so I figured it’s kinda your thing.”

“What if there’s a instrumental break? I’ll get completely lost. No.” Pidge closed the songbook. “Nuh-uh. I’m out.”

“You’re not out,” said Lance, reaching across the table and reopening his songbook. “This is singing with a live band. This is like number one on my bucket list.”

“Exactly,” said Pidge. “Your bucket list. I didn’t sign up for this.”

“Please,” begged Lance. “I want us to all do it. It’s how we have the most mega fun. Please, please, please, Pidgeon. Hunk, back me up.”

“Pretty please,” added Hunk. 

Pidge sighed. “If I find a song that I like… And I need one of you to stand in front of me and give me cues so I don’t get lost.”

“You’re the best, dude,” said Lance with a grin.

“Hey, sorry fer the delay,” said their waitress, finally showing up. Lance took one look at the white-haired beauty with the sexy southern accent and thought one word: DIBS! “Got busy earlier than usual tonight an’ my cousin’s late. Name’s Allura. What can I get for ya?” 

“Your phone number,” purred Lance.

“Pardon?”

“He’ll have a Coors,” said Hunk, patting Lance lightly on the arm. “And I’ll have the same.”

“What about you, darlin’?” said Allura, looking at Pidge.

“Rum and coke, extra cherries.”

“Uh… extra?”

“Right,” said Pidge, sitting up. “Put cherries in it,” he said mimicking dunking invisible cherries in a glass. Allura nodded. “That’s not enough so put more.”

“Right. You folks ordering food?”

“Just drinks,” said Hunk. They were college students. They never bought food outside of the grocery store and even then it was mostly instant ramen. 

“Okay,” said Allura, scooping up the untouched pile of menus sitting in the center of the table.

Lance wasn’t prepared for her to leave without a proper exchange between the two. “So you’re from here?” he asked, trying to make small talk.

“I work here, don’t I?”

“Yeah, but you can work here and be from elsewhere. I just thought ‘cause of your accent…”

“I’ll put in those drink orders for y’all right away,” said Allura, making a swift exit.

“Nice deduction powers, Sherlock,” snorted Pidge. 

“Guys,” said Lance, blowing past that insult. “She’s who I’m going for tonight.”

“She’s out of your league.”

“You barely looked at her!” shot Lance.

“Yeah, but I think all women are out of your league due to the fact that you’re a huge dork.” Pidge shrugged.

“But you’re our huge dork,” said Hunk, giving Lance’s back a rub.

“Whatever. I’ll win her over with my singing.”

That’s when the band struck up and launched into Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy with a beefy Asian man with a streak of white hair playing guitar and singing. He was good. His voice was crisp and clear and he drew the attention of the entire room. Lance thought to himself they could be a legit band if they weren’t busy learning instrumentals of karaoke songs.

“Save a horse, ride a cowboy!” sang the guy, “Everybody says!”

The whole bar chimed in to sing the last, “Save a horse, ride a cowboy!”

As the last notes resonated the guy began speaking into the mike. “Hello and welcome to Gorgeous Man’s Bar and Grill and our monthly live karaoke night.”

The crowd cheered their approval. It had gotten busy while they’d been looking through the songbook. They were lucky they arrived when they did or they wouldn’t have gotten a table.

“My name’s Shiro, these here are The Clones, and we’ll be your host and backing track for the night. For those who been here before, we do this thing a lot like regular karaoke. We’ve got songbooks throughout the room. Please don’t come up t’ make special requests, if it’s not in the book, we can’t play it. Write down yer name and phone number – just kidding – yer name and song choice on one of the blue slips and ya can bring it on up to the Gorgeous Man himself, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Coran.” Shiro gestured to the table beside the stage where a ginger man with a handle bar mustache waved. 

“Things to remember, y’all ain’t professional singers, not like me.” The guy chuckled. “So don’t stress too hard about being perfect, just give it your all and your performance will shine through. We’ll look up your lyrics for ya and put ‘em on our iPad up here so you don’t need your song memorized. If you lose your place, we’ll help ya out with our awesome backup vocals. The most important thing is here we clap for every single singer. It takes guts to get up here so show each and every singer some love. Let’s practice right now, let’s hear ya cheer!”

The place erupted in cheers and clapping and Lance had to admire the guy’s ability to lead a room.

“We’ve got some early bird requests already rolling in so let’s get started. Please welcome Caroline to the stage singin’ Dolly Parton’s Working Nine to Five!”

Caroline headed up to the stage and Lance looked around wondering why their drinks hadn’t appeared yet. “I thought I’d have a drink by now,” he muttered out loud.

“Isn’t that our waitress?” asked Hunk, pointing behind Lance.

Lance turned around to see a familiar white apron tied to a tiny waist and said, “Excuse me? Are our drinks coming out soon?”

“Sorry, ain’t your waitress,” said the woman, turning around. “You’re in Allura’s section. I’m Romelle.”

“Oh, sorry, I thought…”

“We may be cousins, but we’re not identical,” said Romelle before turning back to the table she was actually serving.

“Maybe she’ll put in a good word for you with Allura,” said Pidge with a wink.

“Workin' 9 to 5, what a way to make a livin'  
Barely gettin' by, it's all takin' and no givin'  
They just use your mind and they never give you credit  
It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it”

Lance scanned the crowd while listening to the singer belting out Dolly Parton. “There she is,” said Lance, spotting Allura behind the bar. “I bet she’s making our drink right now. I’ll make it easy for her and pick them up.”

Lance sprang up, glad to have an excuse to go talk to Allura one on one. Having Hunk and Pidge watching tended to make these things trickier and far more embarrassing.

“Hey,” said Lance, leaning against the bar. “Allura, right?”

Allura turned and held up one finger to indicate she’d be with him in a minute. Man, this place was busy tonight. That was evident by the people behind him trying to push their way to the bar to get their own orders in with the spectacled bartender, zipping back and forth, mixing drinks and taking money.

“Alright, let’s hear it,” came a voice from beside him. Lance turned to see the skinny jeans from earlier pushing his way to beside Lance.

“Hear what?” asked Lance, his mood instantly souring.

“Yer witty comeback,” said the guy. “My drink’s empty so time’s come for you to insult me.”

Lance blinked. He’d completely forgot this guy had existed. He certainly hadn’t wasted brainpower trying to think of a put down.

“Still nothin’?” gasped the guy. “Okay, fine, I’m feeling generous so I’ll give ya a one drink extension, but ya have t’ pay for it.”

“What?” gasped Lance. “I’m not buying you a drink.”

Allura chose that moment to appear brandishing a glass of dark liquid that smelt like whiskey at close range. “Keith,” she said, holding the drink out. “Saw ya comin’.”

“You’re amazing,” said that who was apparently ‘Keith.’ “This guy’s payin’ for it.”

“Hey, I’m not –” began Lance, but Keith was already slipping away into the crowd while Allura set his actual drinks down in front of him. “Sorry to make y’all wait, but we ran out of cherries and I had to get another jar from the back. That’ll be $16.50 total.”

“For the four drinks?” asked Lance, sour.

“For the four,” she repeated.

Lance bitterly slapped down a twenty, grabbed the beers by the neck in one hand, and the cocktail in the hand stalked off. He couldn’t believe that Keith guy had scammed a drink off of him. That was the whole cost of the drink plus a 20% tip so Allura could tell how money he was. How dare he use Lance’s hard earned cash (that he got from his parents for grocery money, but then bought a twenty-four pack of ramen and saved the rest for drinking) to get himself slightly more wasted then he already was.

Lance stopped in his track, realizing he’d been so distracted in his anger that he’d forgotten to flirt with Allura. He looked back to the bar and of course she was gone. So this guy was a scam artist and a cockblocker?

Lance dropped the drinks down heavy on the table. “Nice,” said Hunk, picking up his beer. “How much do I owe you?”

Lance tried to think as he sat down, but because there’d been a fourth drink in there he didn’t know what drinks cost at this place. “I dunno. Let’s just take turns buying rounds.”

“Is this really what passes for extra cherries in this place?” asked Pidge, pointing at the at least seven cherries in his drink. 

“I wouldn’t complain. She opened a new jar for you and everything.”

“I can and will complain since it seems like the cherry scale ran from one cherry to full jar of cherries yet somehow seven was the number considered extra.”

“Maybe next time specify a number,” said Lance.

“I can’t,” said Pidge. “I need to leave it open for interpretation because I enjoy complaining when it’s wrong.”

“Then you must be having a grand ol’ time right now,” said Lance.

“I am,” said Pidge, lifting his drink to cheers Lance. “Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

“So I put my song request in while you were gone,” said Hunk.

“Already?”

“Yeah man, look around. This place is bopping and I don’t want to wait hours to get up there.”

“What are you singing?” asked Lance.

“It’ll be a surprise.”

“What about you?” asked Lance, looking at Pidge.

“My motivation to sing is still buffering. We’ll see. You?”

“For me, there is only one option,” said Lance. 

The three of them discussed Lance’s song choice while a couple singers did their thing onstage. Their focus was drawn when Shiro’s booming voice said, “Folks, let’s give an extra hand for those who have graced our stage so far tonight. We have a lot of talent shining through already.” The crowd clapped. “Now we have an extra special treat tonight. Our next singer is none other than the Gorgeous Man himself, Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe.”

The bar regulars whooped it up as Coran stood up from his seat behind the sound board. He moved up onstage with a stately kind of movement. 

“He must be the owner, right?” whispered Hunk.

“I’m guessing,” said Lance.

The band started up as Coran the Gorgeous Man cleared his throat. 

“Small town boy from Montana, he wore a red bandana  
With a guitar always close at hand”

Whoa! The guy had pipes! He sounded exactly like what you’d think a real cowboy would sound like.

“Led by his intuition, he had but one ambition  
To become the greatest yodeler in the land  
You could find him in the streets in the alleys and the bars  
Correcting and perfecting his tune  
The towns folk just laughed, turned their backs  
He was the local yodeling fool”

Then the most incredible thing happened. The guy yodeled! He fucking yodeled! And he was amazing.

Lance had never seen a standing ovation at a karaoke bar before, but that’s exactly what happened. I mean, the guy deserved it and if he owned the place no doubt people paid the proper accolades.

“Folks, give it up for Alabama’s yodelin’ champion, Coran, Coran the Gorgeous Man,” cheered Shiro over the applause.

“Thank you all,” said Coran is what was shockingly an Australian (?) accent. “Tip your servers. They work hard and I don’t pay them nearly enough.”

“Thank you. Next let’s get Hunk up here,” said Shiro.

“Oh man,” gulped Hunk. “I can’t believe I’m following that. I’m chickening out guys.”

“You’re gonna do great, Hunk,” said Lance.

“Want me to come up and help you with your musical cues?” offered Pidge.

“Yes! That would be amazing,” gushed Hunk.

“I will hold our table,” said Lance, saluting his friends.

Hunk headed up to the stage politely saying ‘excuse me’ to everyone in his way with Pidge following him in his wake, clicking on his phone, likely pulling up the sheet music.

“’Nother round?” asked Allura, appearing behind Lance and reaching over to grab their empties.

“Yes,” said Lance. “Plus shots.” Service was a bit slow here and he wanted to get a bit tipsy so the flirty came easier.

“Of what?” asked Allura.

“Whiskey,” said Lance, the idea popping to his head for some reason.

“Bar rail, okay?”

“Yes,” said Lance as they could not afford premium prices.

“How were the cherries?” asked Allura, grabbing Pidge’s empty.

“Apparently seven isn’t extra enough,” said Lance.

Allura chuckled and Lance’s mood soared. That wasn’t even a line and he got a laugh.

“I’ll add more this time.”

“Make it ridiculous,” said Lance, feeling like they were conspiring together now. “It’ll seriously make his night.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” said Allura with a wink before heading off with a sashay of her hips

She winked… 

Lance resisted the urge to pump his fist. He was in. He was so in. He turned his attention to Hunk onstage.

“Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene  
Oh, I'm begging of you please don't take my man”

Unfortunately his enjoyment of the his friend’s performance was short lived…

“Hey,” said… what’s his face? Keith?... as he slid into the seat Pidge had been occupying.

“That seat’s taken,” said Lance, annoyed to be reminded of this guy’s existence.

“I’ll be quick. Just checkin’ in on the status of that comeback.”

“What?” asked Lance.

“D’ya have an insult for me er not?” asked Keith. He held out his glass of whiskey, the one Lance had paid for and gave the remaining quarter inch of it a swirl. “I’ve been nursin’ this one, tryin’ t’ buy you some time, but it’s getting dangerously close to empty.”

“Alright well, I’m not playing this game and that’s my friend’s seat so you need to leave before he comes back.”

“Alright,” said Keith all casual as he stood back up. “If you’re still not ready, I’ll just come back when it’s empty.”

“Yeah, you can come back with your… face,” sputtered Lance.

“Still not an actual insult,” hummed Keith as he slipped back into the crowd. 

What the fuck was with that guy?

Hunk and Pidge returned to the table a buzz with energy. “Oh man, Lance! You have to put your name in now because that is such a rush!”

“I’ll put my name in later,” said Lance, arms crossed, mood soured.

“There’s a lot of people here. I don’t’ want you to miss out.”

“I won’t,” countered Lance.

“What’s up your butt?” asked Pidge, sitting down.

“Nothing,” lied Lance. How was he supposed to explain that he was mad at the guy who’s drink he’d bought because he wanted him to insult him and Lance couldn’t think of anything mean to say? “Maybe just a bit concerned over Hunk’s song choice.”

“What?” gasped Hunk. “Jolene! Dolly Parton! It’s the classiest of the classics.”

“Yeah, but you have to remember what your audience is. You’re singing about a woman taking your man.”

“And?”

“You’re not Pidge. You don’t flip the genders,” explained Lance. “People are gonna think you’re…”

“Gay,” said Pidge, filling in the blank.

“Lance, I don’t care if people think I’m gay because there’s nothing to be ashamed of if you’re gay.”

“Think, Hunk. Think of where we are. We are in the deep south in a tiny hick town and likely everyone here is homophobic and some of those people would be the type to jump you in the bathroom or the parking lot and beat you up.”

Pidge and Hunk’s eyes shifted towards each other and Lance could tell they were having one of their trademark psychic conversations.

“I’m just looking out for you,” added Lance.

“Lance,” said Pidge, “I know you think you’re doing the right thing, but warning someone not to act gay is homophobic.”

“No, I’m trying to protect Hunk from the homophobes.”

“You think that’s what you’re doing, but it’s coming off like you think queer people need to change their behaviour in order to not be harmed and that’s fucked.”

“Obviously I don’t think that,” said Lance.

“Great,” said Pidge. “Then say sorry to Hunk and we’re all good.”

“Sorry, Hunk,” said Lance with a sigh. “But I do still worry.”

Hunk clapped a hand on Lance’s back.

“Alright!” said Allura, busting into their moment with a tray filled with drinks. “$26.25 an’ I need to settle up real quick.”

“Oh shots,” said Pidge, delighted.

“Oh uh,” said Hunk. “I guess I’ll get the whole thing and you pay me back your half.” He directed this at Pidge and got a nod. Hunk took out his money.

Allura set Pidge’s drink in front of him which warranted a, “Hohohoboy!” The drink had no ice in it, just cherries to the brim with the liquid sitting in the little space in between. 

“You did good,” said Lance to Allura as she exchanged money with Hunk.

“Hunk, tip her a lot,” said Pidge with a grin. “I am instagraming this bitch.”

Pidge pulled out his phone as Allura took off to the bar. Lance wondered what the rush was, wishing she’d stay so he could get a line in or two, but then onstage Shiro said, “And now’s the time o’ night when service ‘round here gets real slow. Please have a bit of patience while we welcome our servers Allura and Romelle to the stage!”

Lance turned to see Allura rip off her apron and toss it to the spectacled bartender before jogging up to the stage. Her cousin came from the opposite direction, just as much in a rush. Romelle grabbed the mike as the music started up and said, “Time to represent y’all! Get on the dance floor!”

“People who dance get their drinks first,” added Allura into the second microphone.

“Guys,” said Lance. “I think I better dance because we want good service.”

“And you want our server to see you shake those hips,” said Pidge.

“These hips don’t lie,” said Lance, already up and shimmying his way to the dance floor.

“We’ll wait to do the shots with you!” Hunk called out.

Lance knew exactly what song they were singing just from the opening chords. The dance floor was immediately flooded with yokels, whooping it up even before Romelle began to sing.

“Big wheels keep on turning  
Carry me home to see my kin  
Singing songs about the south-land  
I miss 'ole' 'bamy once again and I think it's a sin”

Lance managed to maneuver his way up to the front so he could be visible to Allura as she took over singing. 

"Well I heard Mister Young sing about her  
Well I heard ole Neil put her down  
Well, I hope Neil Young will remember  
A southern man don't need him around anyhow"

Together the two women sang the chorus together as many voice joined them from the crowd.

"Sweet home Alabama  
Where the skies are so blue  
Sweet home Alabama  
Lord, I'm coming home to you"

“You are amazing,” said Lance, catching Allura on her way back to the bar.

“Thank you,” said Allura, speeding walking. “Romelle’s better, but…”

“No way. You totally stood out. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.”

“Oh well, thank you,” said Allura. They were already at the bar and she was ducking behind it.

“Do you want to like, do a shot together?” asked Lance, following along the outside of the bar. “For good luck since I’m going to be singing later.”

“Oh well,” said Allura, looking around at the crowd of people pressing in to order drinks. “Not now, but later? Maybe.”

“Later. Cool,” said Lance, backing away with a grin and knocking into a group of guys wearing so much flannel. “I’ll try you later. Uh, talk to you later.”

Lance felt light as air as he walked back to his table. He didn’t even mind having to push his way through the crowded bar to get back. At least not until the table came into view and saw his seat was now occupied.

“Keith,” grumbled Lance, recognizing the all too long in the back raven hair. Worse than the guy being in Lance’s seat, but he was talking to Pidge and Hunk and they were laughing. Laughing all together!

“Seat. Occupied,” said Lance curtly, standing behind him.

“Oh, I thought that only applied to that seat,” said Keith, pointing to where Pidge was sitting. Lance couldn’t help but notice that while Keith was talking he was tracing a delicate finger around the rim of Lance’s shot of whiskey.

“Well, it applies to all the seats at the table and I want mine back.”

Keith shrugged, not moving. In fact he kicked out a leg, still housed in those tight pants and leaned back, looking all too comfortable. “I’m just here because I finished my drink and came to hear yer comeback.”

“I didn’t think up a comeback,” said Lance. “I keep forgetting you exist so I’m definitely not thinking about you.” Okay, why did he feel like he was blushing?

“Try coming up with somethin’ on the spot then,” said Keith. “Otherwise…” He looked down at the shot of whiskey as he traced that finger round and round. “I’m gonna get real thirsty.”

Lance made a dismissive sound. “I don’t need to prove anything you to you all Mr…. sitting there.”

“That’s a statement of fact, not an insult,” said Keith. “You get a one drink extension on the assignment. Cheers.” Keith held up the shot glass and for whatever fucking reason Lance’s friends held up theirs and cheersed him back. Lance had to watch while they did the shot all together. Fuck. At least this would get rid of the guy for awhile. Except… “Extension over.” Keith leaned forward, locking a pair of steel grey eyes on Lance. “What’cha got?”

“What?! That was half a second!”

“Not my fault your shot went down so smooth,” said Keith and Lance swore it was almost a purr. “Guess you better just insult me already before ya forfeit yer beer.” That fucker was already tracing a slender finger around the rim of Lance’s beer bottle.

“Your hair is too long,” shot Lance, trying to just fucking say something to this guy who for all intents and purposes was not mockable in the least. I mean his face was all symmetrical and his body was maybe a bit short, but fit. Like… what else was there to pick on except the tight pants and the long hair?

“Too long for what?”

“Huh?”

“This time you’re not even makin’ a statement, ya need to qualify what my hair is too long for so my hair is too long for what?”

“For the army,” scoffed Lance, stretching for something.

“Naw,” said Keith. “Pretty sure the army gives free haircuts.” He gracefully swung himself up to standing, grabbing Lance’s beer off the table at the same time. “So I’ll be taking this because I do believe you need to learn a lesson in who you pick fights with. Same deal as before. Insult me ‘fore I’m done or continue to pay my bar tab.” Keith went to go and Lance decided to not move out of the way in protest, but when Keith knocked into him, he paused right there, with their shoulders touching and whispered. “And next time, no bar rail. I’m expensive.”

Lance felt this weird shiver through his body and before he could figure out what the fuck kind of voodoo Keith was using on him, the boy was moving away from him, breaking the body contact. “And that’s officially one thing you know about me,” said Keith. “Feel free to find a way to insult me with it.” And then he was moving off into the crowd.

Lance really wanted to shout something nasty after him, but for the life of him he couldn’t think of anything mean to say. Like what the actual fuck?

Lance spun on his friends, “So you guys just letting this guy steal my drinks out from under your noses?”

“Pretty sure it was out from under your nose,” said Pidge.

“Yeah,” mumbled Hunk as he shrugged. “Kinda seemed like you two had a bet going and you kept losing so…”

“I’m not losing!” snapped Lance. “The guy’s just in my head.”

Pidge and Hunk looked at each other, psychic conversation commencing.

“I bet he doesn’t even sing. I bet he’s just some handsome freeloader that bums around the bar, conning innocent equally handsome guys out of free drinks.”

Pidge and Hunk’s mouths turned up in closed mouthed smiles as they once again looked at each other.

“Do you guys have to do that so loud?” snapped Lance. “That’s it. I’m singing. I’m singing now. Fuck it. Forget about shots and proper timing. I need to boost my mood.”

“You can sign up now, but I bet the wait is at least an hour at this point,” said Hunk.

“I have my ways, Hunk,” said Lance. “I. Have. My. Ways.”

Lance angrily filled out his sign up slip and angrily walked up to Coran’s booth and angrily slammed it down. “I wanna sing next. Please let me cut in line.”

“I’m sorry young man, but it is first come first serve.”

“Oh, but I think you will be persuaded by my song choice.” Lance winked as he slid his paper closer, letting the five dollar bill hidden underneath peak out.

Coran looked at the fiver then back at Lance then down at the fiver before sliding it back to Lance. “I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way, but cheer up. We’ll get you in before midnight. The time will go fast.”

Lance sighed and almost turned back. Almost. “Say… that is a fine moustache you have. Any tips for an aspiring moustachinado?”

Coran’s eyebrows raised as a pleased grin spread across his face..

*****

Lance scurried back to his table. “I’m next!” he blurted out.

“What?” gasped Hunk.

“I’m next and I probably need to grow a mustache now because of it –”

“How many weird bets are you making tonight?” asked Pidge, cutting in.

“None deliberately, but who cares because I’m next! If you can lure Allura over here –heh, I see what I did there – so she’s directly in front of me and I can sing to her, I would be forever grateful.”

“What else will you give us?” asked Pidge.

“Cash,” said Lance, thinking of his last five dollars, which Coran never did accept.

“I’m on it!” Pidge climbed right up on the table and started waving towards the bar.

“Please welcome to the stage, Lance!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks for @crazyrandomhappenklance for inspiring me to actually start writing my karaoke Klance by getting me addicted to their karaoke Klance fic [Front and Centre](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16686847/chapters/39133243)! Check it out!
> 
> Song credits in order of appearance:
> 
> Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy - Big & Rich (yes, I nodded to my own fic here)  
> Working 9 to 5 - Dolly Parton  
> Yodeling Fool - Wylie Gustafson  
> Jolene - Dolly Parton  
> Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance sings. Keith sings. The two of them have a very interesting encounter in the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note I've changed the rating on this fic from Mature to Explicit

“Hey man, nice song choice,” said the host, Shiro, as Lance stepped up onstage. “We’ve been doin’ this for years and you’re the first person who’s ever requested it.”

“I’m the first one worthy of it,” said Lance.

Shiro chuckled, “I like that confidence. You can use that iPad on the stand to look up yer lyrics.”

“Don’t need it,” said Lance, picking up the whole stand and moving it to the side of the stage. He needed room to move.

“Alright, alright. Very confident.” Shiro hoisted up his guitar and plucked at it, a Spanish tune singing from his fingertips.

Lance turned his attention to the microphone in front of him as he heard a maraca shake behind him. The simple sound was haunting, demanding the attention of the audience. It was like an intake of breath before the exhale which was the drums.

Lance spoke softly into the mic, “Esta noche bailamos. De noite da mi vida.”

Shiro’s spanish guitar joined back in as the full band began to play. Lance’s hips began to sway automatically, his stage persona taking over. He was Loverboy Lance now, ready to seduce anyone who dared to listen and yes, they would all listen.

The stage lights weren’t bright so he could still clearly see everyone in the bar. The intro had grabbed most everyone’s attention, likely the familiar tune tugging at their memories, but they hadn’t quite placed it.

“Tonight we dance  
I leave my life, in your hands”

“Woo!” Pidge cheered loudly from his spot on top of their table. Hunk joined in with a loud whistle from the dance floor. This seemed to set off the crowd as more cheers joined it. Lance grinned through his next line.

“We take the floor  
Nothing is forbidden anymore”

The dance floor had been a little light before Lance went up there, but now there were people getting up to go dance because it was what the song demanded afterall.

As Lance sung the bridge he saw Pidge was successful in summoning Allura in the sense that their waitress had come over to shoo Pidge off the table. Pidge climbed down and Allura moved on, heading back to the bar, but then she was just on the edge of the dance floor at the perfect moment. 

“Bailamos!” sang Lance, freeing his voice and letting the one-word Spanish command ring out. 

“Let the rhythm take you over  
Bailamos  
Te quiero amor mío”

Allura paused, stopping in her tracks, her head turning to look at the stage. She’d probably seen thousands of performances by now, tuned them out most likely, but Lance peeked her interest. 

Lance knew he was killing it, that his voice was perfectly suited to the song. That only Enrique himself could sell it better. All the lines in Lance’s native Spanish sounded sublime rolling off his tongue, especially those R’s.

Allura was mesmerized, eyes big, a soft smile on her face, clutching her empty drink tray to her chest. Lance was closing and he still had more than half the song left to bring it on home.

But then…

Someone tapped Allura’s shoulder and the spell was broken as she turned to speak to…

KEITH!

That motherfucker was talking to Allura and distracting her from watching Lance!

“Tonight I’m yours…”

Lance’s head whipped around to see Shiro singing the second verse because… because Lance had missed his cue! Fuck!

“We can make it happen I’m so sure,” sang Lance, picking it back up. He had to save face, but internally he was furious with himself for not paying attention and missing his cue. It wasn’t his fault though. It was that Keith guy talking to Allura and now Allura was walking off, no longer paying any attention to the beautiful performance happening onstage. Great!

What did Keith do? That fucking cockblocker! And now he was pushing his way onto the dance floor, wearing a smirk on his face. He glanced up at Lance, his steely grey eyes locking his gaze. Lance felt a pinch of nerves curl in his gut. Keith’s eyes were full of mischief. It put Lance on edge. His heart was pounding so loud in his chest that it was drowning out his own singing. He felt he couldn’t take another second of this intense eye contact and just when Lance was about to break and look away, Keith lost interest first.

Keith’s focus became Pidge and Hunk who were dancing right in front of Lance. Keith threw his arms out to wrap around both their shoulders. They turned and reacted to him with enthusiastic grins. Together the three of them belted out the last line of the second verse.

“Nothing will stop us tonight!”

What the fuck? So he was stealing Lance’s friends now too?

“Bailamos!” the whole crowd on the dance floor sang it with Lance, which was a good reminder for him. Who cared what Keith was doing directly in front of Lance with his very best friends? He was putting on a show! Living his dream of performing with a live band! And he was not going to waste it!

Lance held out the mic to the crowd so they could sing, “Ohohohohhh!”

“Tonight we dance,” crooned Lance in his honey voice. 

“Ohohohohhh!”

“Like no tomorrow…”

It was some kind of miracle. Allura was back, moving through the dance floor, her tray of drinks held up high. 

“Ohohohohhh!”

She stopped to deliver a drink. “If you will stay with me…” If he could just catch her eye as he delivered this next line… 

He met her eye line and saw a sparkle of pink and blue, but then she stepped to the side…

“Te quiero mi amor,” whispered Lance as Allura moved out of the way and his eyes met steely grey ones. A shiver ran up Lance’s spine.

He’d…

He’d sang the most romantic line, the confession of love, in his most seductive voice to Keith of all people. Talk about missing the mark!

Worse, he couldn’t shake Keith’s gaze, the boy was holding him hostage within it. Then Keith slowly raised the glass of whiskey Allura had just delivered to him and held it up as if cheersing Lance.

Lance spun around to face the band. His cheeks were burning red and he didn’t know why. He’d been so confident at the start and now he was completely rattled and he couldn’t explain it. This went far beyond disappointment over failing to sing directly to Allura. He was emotional and he didn’t understand it.

He was grateful for the instrumental break. He could sway his hips, doing some simple salsa moves as he kept his back to the audience and just enjoyed the sight of Shiro playing his Spanish guitar. The music soothed Lance, refreshing him. With that he was able to compose himself. He felt better. Plus he could sell this hiding as him being coy. It was all part of his act. He dramatically turned around to belt out the chorus one last time.

“Bailamos!”

The whole dance floor was getting into it, singing, “Bailamos!” along with Lance. And he could ignore Keith and just enjoy the rest of the song and the performance, the joy he was bringing, without caring that Keith was right in front of him, dancing with his best friends and laughing like he didn’t have a care in the world. Lance would give him something to care about!

Shiro took over singing the chorus as Lance let his voice go free singing, “Como te quiero. Como te quiero…”

“Let’s give it up fer, Lance,” commanded Shiro, when the song had finished. “Boy can sing!”

Bailamos was one of Lance’s favourite songs and he truly thought it was one of the most romantic songs ever written so when he heard that boom of applause and cheers, he felt a tinge of sadness. He hadn’t quite pulled it off. They were polite, but he could’ve been better.

Shiro captured Lance’s arm before he stepped off stage. “Hey, ya did great.”

“Thanks,” said Lance, his voice betraying his disappointment.

“No, seriously,” said Shiro. “I assumed you were a cocky bastard, but ya got some pipes and you can work a crowd.”

“Thank you,” said Lance, pulling his arm free and making his retreat offstage. Something was brewing inside him and he needed a moment to think. Lucky for him his entire mood turned around when he stepped off stage only to have Allura greet him. 

“Hey! Did you catch that?” he asked. She had been watching after all! He’d just been too distracted by that Keith guy to notice her in the crowd, most likely swooning.

“Here,” said Allura, holding out a white slip of paper. 

Lance’s jaw dropped. She was giving him her phone number! But then he looked at it to see it was in fact a bill. “I didn’t…”

“Keith said you’d pay for his drink,” said Allura.

“What?” cried Lance. “I’m not paying for his drinks! Why would you believe him?”

“Because you’ve been payin’ for his drinks all night,” said Allura, getting defensive. “Now are you gonna settle up or do we have a problem here?” Something about that last bit sounded intensely threatening. 

Bitterly, Lance pulled out his last five dollar bill. The bill was for $4.70 and thirty cents was a piss poor tip, but it was all he had. Didn’t matter. His chance to impress Allura had officially sailed.

“Hey!” cheered Pidge, pushing through the crowd and pouncing on Lance.

“You were amazing!” said Hunk, politely squeezing by people to join them. “Wasn’t performing a rush? It was a such a rush, right?”

“You were awesome!” said Pidge.

“I was late on the second verse,” snapped Lance. He didn’t want their fake compliments.

“Yeah, but it’s so hard to track those things without the scrolling lyrics,” said Pidge.

“I don’t think anyone cared, dude,” said Hunk. “The rest of the song was so good!”

“I’ve had that song memorized since I was five. I shouldn’t have messed up,” moaned Lance.

“Okay, so you weren’t flawless,” said Pidge. “Nobody is. You should still be proud.”

“But I would’ve been perfect if that stupid Keith guy wasn’t dancing right in front of me! Plus did you see him send Allura away so she couldn’t watch me? And he made me pay for his drink again! What an asshole! I bet he’s hot for Allura and that’s why he sabotaged me like that!”

Pidge and Hunk were looking at each other while he ranted, having another psychic conversation. Both their lips were pressed in a line, trying to hide whatever facial expression was threatening to reveal the content of their silent chat.

“What?” snapped Lance. “What are you two talking to each other about? Just tell me! Are you mocking me?”

“No, far from it,” said Pidge.

“I think we should just tell him,” said Hunk.

“Tell me what?” demanded Lance.

“What we were talking to Keith about when he sat at our table,” said Hunk.

“That’s the other thing!” cried Lance. “You sit with the guy! You dance with the guy! What is he completely replacing me? What were you all talking about? Were you mocking me together? Oh, stupid Lance! Can’t get a girl!”

“Dude,” snapped Pidge. “It was nothing like that! Keith just had a question for us.”

“Oh yeah, what was that?” asked Lance. This should be rich…

Pidge looked at Hunk who hummed and hawed for a moment.

“Just tell me!” snapped Lance.

“Well, uh, Keith wanted to know what your type is,” said Hunk, scratching the back of his head.

“My type?” repeated Lance. The image of Keith speaking to Allura flashed in his mind. “Wait… Was he putting in a good word for me with Allura? Has he been trying to wingman me this whole time?”

“No, dude,” chuckled Pidge. “Keith wanted to know your type because he’s into you.”

“He’s…” Lance’s brain shorted out. “Sorry, I’m not following.”

“He thinks you’re hot, dumbass! That’s why he’s been flirting with you all night!”

“Keith’s been… flirting with me?” asked Lance.

“He’s really smooth about it too,” said Hunk. “Like I think we could all take lessons from him.”

“Yeah, not his fault the boy he’s flirting with is incredibly dense,” snorted Pidge.

Lance was in shock. He couldn’t process what he was hearing. “Okay, wait… so he asked what my type is. What did you say?”

“The truth,” said Pidge and Lance assumed he told Keith that Lance was straight. “We told him we didn’t think you’d even realized you were in a gay bar.”

“What?!” shrieked Lance. “Gorgeous Man’s is a gay bar? How do you know?”

“Well,” said Pidge, “There’s that rainbow flag on the wall and the photo of the owner with his husband behind the bar. Plus Hunk has had like twenty guys ask for his phone number.”

“It was two. Two guys asked for my number.” Hunk gave an embarrassed smile. “I’m a Bear,” he said with a shrug, “Makes me popular.”

“Oh, also,” continued Pidge, “The fucking name of the bar is Gorgeous Man’s! We assumed it was a gay bar the second you invited us to go. The real question is how did you not know you were in a gay bar?”

“Well I….” Lance’s eyes were drifting around the bar as he mumbled and trailed off. Okay, so two girls were making out on the dance floor and there was a table full of drag queens in the back corner so maybe… just maybe… “Allura is a lesbian,” cried Lance, coming to the obvious conclusion. “That’s why she’s showing no interest in me!”

Pidge and Hunk shared a look. “Oh, so that’s going to be your take away?” said Pidge with an eye roll.

A Pounding drumbeat announced the beginning of the next song and, a quick glance at the stage told him, Keith’s performance. Lance’s head was still spinning, not really prepared to accept anything he’d just been told. 

So this guy, this guy right here in his red cowboy boots and his black skinny jeans and tight black tee, leaning on the microphone stand like he didn’t care that three hundred people were looking at him with the expectation of being entertained, this guy was supposedly gay. 

“Well, I had me a boy, turned him into a man  
I showed him all the things that he didn't understand  
Whoa, and then I let him go”

Okay, so Keith was definitely gay…

The crowd cheered their approval. To have won them over so quickly told Lance they’d seen Keith perform before and they knew they were in for a treat. Keith smirked at the attention, but then relaxed his face as he pushed off the mic stand and strolled casually across the stage, running a lazy hand through his long black hair.

“Now, there's one in California who's been cursing my name  
'Cause I found me a better lover in the UK  
Hey, hey, until I made my getaway”

And okay, he could maybe kinda sing.

Keith stepped to the front of the stage leaning forward in a lunge like he was telling the audience a secret.

“One, two, three, they gonna run back to me  
'Cause I'm the best baby that they never gotta keep  
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me”

Keith stood straight up and belted out, “They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave!”

Keith dance/stumbled across the stage as if the confession he was singing was so powerful, it was knocking him about.

“Ex's and the oh, oh, oh's they haunt me  
Like ghosts they want me to make 'em all  
They won't let go  
Ex's and oh's”

Keith turned to face Shiro and they rocked out together as Shiro played the interlude.

Keith could… sing. He could really sing and more than that he could perform. His voice with its natural rasp was perfectly suited to sing Elle King. He commanded the room, worked the whole stage, and moved with perfect body control. Keith was dazzling onstage. Lance was expecting this to cause him a great amount of jealousy and yet…

“Let me get that for you,” said Pidge. Lance didn’t understand what he meant until Pidge tapped his hand against Lance’s chin, forcing his mouth shut with a click of his teeth. Lance’s mouth must’ve been hanging open in shock.

“Uh..,” muttered Lance.

“You’re drooling too,” added Pidge, “But I’m not helping you with that.”

“I’m not drooling!” snapped Lance, wiping his chin with the sleeve of his shirt because of the power of suggestion and No. Other. Reason.

He didn’t need the distraction as he was really trying to pay attention to Keith list more of his ex’s… or rather King’s ex’s. But the thing was the way Keith sold it, Lance really did think all this had happened to Keith.

“One, two, three, they gonna run back to me  
'Cause I'm the best baby that they never gotta keep  
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me  
They always wanna come  
But they never wanna leave!””

“Oh my gosh,” gushed Hunk, “He’s so good!”

“Shhhh, Hunk,” snapped Lance, “I’m trying to pay attention.”

“Ex's and the oh, oh, oh's they haunt me  
Like ghosts they want me to make 'em all  
They won't let go  
Ex's and oh's”

Keith pressed his back against Shiro’s as the man wailed on this guitar. Keith mimicked him, playing air guitar with the mic as the two of them twisted their knees, lowering down and back up, dancing to the instrumental break.

The crowd cheered them on and okay, maybe there was some onstage chemistry between the two of them. Definitely there was some familiarity. So what if Keith was rocking out with the hottest guy in the bar? Why would Lance take special interest in that?

Lance routinely kept a running tally of where he ranked as far as other attractive men in the bar. For the purpose of knowing who his competition was with the ladies, obviously. Shiro was a perfect 10, there was no competing there, but Lance had ranked himself as #2 until he messed up his song and Keith was killing his thereby leap frogging him into the #2 position on the list of hot guys present. This meant the two hottest guys in the bar were now onstage together and ohhhhh… there was the jealousy Lance had been expecting earlier…. what a strange moment to feel it…

Keith stepped back to the edge of the stage and sang, “One, two, three, they gonna run back to me.”

It was kinda rude when Lance thought about it. How Keith hadn’t directed his attention to Lance even once while singing. I mean, he was supposedly attracted to him (unless that was a prank concocted by Pidge and Hunk, which Lance wasn’t convinced it wasn’t.) So why hadn’t he looked at Lance at all? Lance had basically sang his whole song to Keith. The most romantic parts anyway.

“Climbing over mountains and a-sailing over seas.” Keith dropped off the edge of the stage and into the crowd.

“I didn’t know we were allowed to do that,” muttered Hunk. Lance shushed him again.

“One, two, three, they gonna run back to me,” sang Keith, pointing at people as he went along. The crowd was parting like the Red Sea for him, illustrating his influence.

Then suddenly there was this big open space between him and Keith since Lance was too dumbstruck to move, but only because he was thrown by how Keith was still ignoring him even though there was nothing blocking his view anymore.

“They always wanna come,” sang Keith and then it happened. He glanced Lance’s way, but… not an actual glance. It was casual like one, but he met Lance’s eyes so deliberately, like he knew he’d find his gaze right there. “But they never wanna leave!”

There must’ve been a time skip or Lance blacked out or something, but the next thing he was aware of was Keith was climbing back up onstage, already halfway through the chorus. He was definitely no longer looking at Lance anymore. He’d held his eye for maybe half a second, how did it knock Lance into the future?

The only thing that really brought Lance back was the sensation of being knocked about by the crowd rushing back to fill the void left Keith. They were pushing up to the stage, filling up on the performance as Keith delivered his final blows.

“Ex's and the oh, oh, oh's they haunt me  
Like ghosts they want me to make 'em all  
They won't let go  
Ex's and oh's”

Those blows, like his pipes, were devastating. The whole performance had been flawless, the kind of show Lance had wanted to put on. Keith dropped the mic back into its stand as Shiro and The Clones played the outro. Keith moved to the side of the stage, packing it in before the final notes were played? But then he stepped up on the stage monitor, which was something since it was the wedge type meaning he had to balance his weight on the thin edge of the speaker.

Cheers rose up from the crowd and Keith looked back at them, giving a cocky smirk. Lance thought this was a weird time to suddenly show off your balancing skills in cowboy boots, but then Keith bent his knees and sprung backwards, executing a perfect backflip and landing on the stage at the exact moment the song ended with a bang of the drum and a heavy strum of Shiro’s guitar.

The crowd erupted with cheers. Hunk clapped uproariously beside Lance as he gushed, “Yes! That was so cool!” Lance himself was speechless. He didn’t even remember to clap until Pidge picked up his hands for him and knocked them together as a reminder.

“I told you to quit doing that,” said Shiro, his un-miked voice still reaching Lance’s ear as he swatted Keith, playfully. Keith dipped backward, fending off Shiro’s attacks while laughing. Shiro gave up and stepped back to his mic. “Everyone that was Keith… Don’t try that at home.”

Keith gave a sloppy bow then with a wide step, dropped himself back off the stage again.

Pidge clapped a hand on Lance’s shoulder. It startled him as he’d been focused on tracking Keith’s movements through the crowd. 

“We’ll leave you to it then,” said Pidge.

“Leave me to what?” asked Lance, an edge entering his voice.

“You got this,” said Hunk, tapping Lance on the back. “You’re good at this.”

“Good at what?” demanded Lance. They were both acting so strangely and he wanted them to stay and explain themselves, but they were already heading back towards the table they used to occupy that was now being enjoyed by some rather rough looking lesbians.

“Yo! That’s our table!” shouted Pidge, fearlessly charging towards them.

“Hey.” Lance jumped at the sound of the voice. He attempted to correct his panicked face before turning to see Keith, standing before him once again, now sweaty from his athletics-inclusive performance.

“Heeeeeey,” said Lance. This is what a normal voice sounded like, right?

“My hands’re empty,” said Keith, holding out his empty hands. What a random statement… 

Now would normally be the time for Lance to respond with something. Even if he didn’t understand the topic, he could ask Keith to clarify yet somehow his mouth was stuck.

“No drink to speak of,” added Keith, talking slowly to help with Lance’s comprehension. Lance’s eyes lit up with understanding. “So you got something for me?”

Finally Lance’s mouth unstuck, but it for some reason it decided to blurt out, “You were incredible!”

Keith looked caught off guard. “That’s not an insult,” he said, confused now rather than his usual quick-witted self.

Lance decided to ignore Keith’s confusion and just pour out all the random thoughts that were now rapid firing in his brain. “Your voice was perfect for that song and the crowd loves you here. Do you perform every month? Have you had vocal training? What about acting? There’s a great music program at Shipcastle. You’re not in it are you? I feel like I would’ve seen you on campus. I’m usually pretty good with f--.”

“Whoa,” said Keith, cutting Lance off. “You are way off script here and it’s throwin’ me for a loop.”

“I’m… I’m talking a lot,” confessed Lance, a blush entering his cheeks. Okay, what was that about?

“Yeah, and it’s all compliments,” said Keith, shifting on his feet.

“I guess I really can’t think of an insult for you,” confessed Lance.

Keith shrugged, all cockiness evaporating. “I’ve had enough to drink so don’t worry about gettin’ me another.”

Lance chuckled. “That’s good because I’m out of money.”

“Shoot,” said Keith, scratching the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean to clean ya out. I was just teasing you. I’ll pay ya back for the drinks.”

“No,” protested Lance. “You don’t need to do that.”

They were both silent for a beat. Why was Lance blushing so much? Keith was angling his body away, seeming like he was ready to make an exit if the entertainment value of talking to Lance had truly disappeared.

“Maybe,” snapped Lance, quickly needing to get Keith’s attention back because if he walked away now Lance might honestly die. “You can pay me back in another way?” Oh fuck. Oh fuck, what was Lance saying?

Keith raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “How’d’ya mean?”

*****

Little known fact. Even though Keith was very much yeehaw, he also had a tongue piercing. Said piercing was currently massaging itself against Lance’s tongue and fuck it felt good.

Lance was kissing a boy with a tongue piercing.

Lance was kissing a boy with a tongue piercing and it was making him hard.

Shit this was not the plan for tonight. But then again Keith was so overwhelming Lance could barely remember his own name, let alone how he’d wanted this night to end.

Keith’s fingers gripped harder against Lance’s hips, pressing the two of them even tighter together. Lance could feel Keith’s own hardness pressing into him and was surprised to find how much he liked that. He’d spent his post-puberty years assuming kissing a guy would repulse him, but instead he was enjoying the way Keith shifted himself to create that bit of friction between them and how he pulled Lance’s tongue into his mouth and gave it a hard suck.

Fuck.

Keith was so intense in every way and that tongue piercing felt damn good. Where else would it feel good…?

The flush of a urinal cut into Lance’s thoughts. For a moment there Keith seemed completely undeterred until he broke off the kiss to snap his head back at the 50-something guy heading towards the bathroom door.

“Wash yer hands, Maurice!”

“You’re using the sink,” countered Maurice, his one eye glaring at Lance. That was fair. Lance had been backed so hard against the bathroom sink that his butt was practically sitting inside the bowl.

“There’s two sinks,” argued Keith, stepping back from Lance (nooooo Lance missed the body contact) and pointing beside them.

“That one leaks,” protested Maurice.

“And how would that prevent ya from usin’ it?”

“Yeah, kinda seems like it would aid in the cause of hand washing,” added Lance.

Maurice rolled his eyes and moved to use the unoccupied sink. As he rinsed his hands with just water he grumbled to himself about how they looked like they wanted privacy.

Keith watched him the whole time like a teacher supervising a student. “Soap next time,” warned Keith as he watched Maurice exit the washroom. When the door swung closed, he turned back to Lance, pressing a possessive hand on the mirror behind him and tipping his hips back against him. “Now,” said Keith, leaning in nice and close, “Where were we?”

Lance had every intention of answering honestly, it’s just that Keith smelt good (like sandlewood or sawdust or something manly) and it made his head a bit foggy.

“Y’okay?” asked Keith.

“Yeah, just… getting my bearings,” replied Lance, honestly.

“Wanna stop?”

“No,” said Lance, probably too forcefully, but Keith just smirked.

“Good,” said Keith, moving down to kiss Lance’s neck. “I don’t wanna stop either.” Keith’s kiss turned into a long lick up the side of Lance’s neck. “But you can tell me if I’m bein’ too much.” Keith chuckled a huff of air against the spit that gave Lance a chill. “I get that note a lot.”

“That’s a mood. But I get it for talking too much during.”

“Talk away. I’ll keep busy,” murmured Keith, then he dragged his lips down to Lance’s collarbone.

Lance’s whole body stiffened up in reaction as he tried to bite back a moan. Every little thing Keith did threatened to tip Lance over the edge (which would be so soon and so embarrassing.) Meanwhile his head was still trying to piece things together. His eyes flicked around the men’s bathroom of Gorgeous Man’s Bar and Grill in attempt to calm the libido. “It’s funny,” squeaked Lance.

“Ain’t tryin’ be funny,” said Keith as his hand crept underneath Lance’s shirt and dragged light scratches up his back.

Lance kept talking to keep from getting too excited. “Not you, just the situation. All this time I’ve been going to karaoke night at Beezers, using my singing skills to convince girls to makeout with me in the women’s washroom. Meanwhile, you were across town, pulling the exact same move to get guys to makeout with you in the men’s washroom.”

Keith stopped sucking on Lance’s neck to look at him with big eyes and say, “I don’t usually do this.”

That’s when the door burst open. “Keith! Not again!” snapped Allura, standing in the doorway, looking furious.

“What? We were just talkin’,” lied Keith, not bothering to take his hands out of the back of Lance’s shirt.

“Like hell you are! I’m tellin’ Coran!”

“Coran said I could,” shot Keith.

“That don’t sound true.”

“Don’t believe me, go ask him!”

Allura knotted up her mouth, staring hard at Keith. Finally she said. “Fine! I’ll be right back!” She started to head out then turned back and said, “Clothes stay on or git’n a stall! I mean it!”

“Yes ‘Lura,” purred Keith.

Allura shot him one more distrusted look before pushing out the door again. Lance was frozen, out of shock or embarrassment he didn’t know, but he was stuck staring at the spot Allura had just occupied because holy fucking crap the girl he’d wanted to hookup with just caught him hooking up with the boy he thought he hated and did she just suggest they have sex in a stall??

“Hey,” said Keith, his voice trying to reach into Lance’s thoughts. Keith’s hand gripped Lance’s cheeks and turned his face to his. “You like her, huh? You wanna come back another day, get her number, ask her out, that’s fine.” Wait, what? “But tonight you’re mine and you give your full attention to me.”

Lance gulped. What?

“Got it?” pressed Keith.

He was so… possessive. Fuck, why did that turn Lance on so badly? Why was he into this?!

Lance swallowed, hard. “Got it,” he whispered.

“Good,” said Keith, releasing Lance’s cheeks. He unfolded himself from Lance and walked towards the door.

Lance almost called out to him, begging him not to go until he saw what Keith was up to, which was locking to the door so they wouldn’t be disturbed again.

“Uh…,” began Lance.

“Coran definitely didn’t give me permission,” confessed Keith. “And there’s no fucking way we’re hooking’up in a stall. That’s disgustin’.”

“Yeah disgusting,” mumbled Lance who definitely had hooked up in a lot of stalls in his day. “What about people who need to use the facilities?” asked Lance, looking at the lock.

“Guess we better be quick,” snickered Keith, pouncing right back on Lance. Keith let out an “mmm” as he gave Lance a deep kiss. “Here I thought you were hot when you walked in,” hummed Keith and it was Lance’s turn to kiss Keith’s neck as the boy spoke. “Then you got up and sang... The way you roll those R’s with your tongue. Fuck, I really wanted this.”

That threw Lance’s head for another loop. Sure, he’d known Keith was attracted to him, but hearing him confess to wanting him, that warmed him from the inside out, but also sent his brain ticking. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” said Keith, letting his hands wander over Lance as they weren’t kissing anymore.

“When you’re not usually doing this,” began Lance, wording it playfully. Keith chuckled, knowing he’d been caught in a lie. “Do you ever… with guys like me?” Lance hoped he’d gotten his meaning across.

“With guys clingin’ onto their last shred of heteronormativity like a lifeline? Maybe…”

“So what do you… What do they usually…?”

“Hey,” said Keith, petting Lance’s cheek, “Nothing scary’s gonna happen. You can take the lead here.”

‘But I like it when you lead,’ thought Lance, but he didn’t have the guts to say it out loud. 

“Whatever ya want,” murmured Keith, his hand sliding over the bulge in Lance’s jeans, coaxing him to full hardness. “You want me to play gender roles with you. You be the big city man and I’ll be yer country bumpkin girl, all sugar and sweetness like… her.”

Lance frowned, he kinda wished Keith would stop bringing her up.

Keith, picking up on Lance’s mood shift said, “Or do you me to act like a real brute, manhandle ya an’ all that.” As he said this, Keith gripped Lance through his jeans getting a little gasp out of him. Keith released. “You gotta speak up and tell me what you want.”

“Just be yourself,” said Lance. Keith raised an eyebrow, prompting Lance to explain. “You seem clever and creative and definitely talented in how you move your body.” Oh shit, Lance was blushing. Sure, he’d come clean enough with himself to admit he was attracted to Keith, but listing the reasons why out loud felt like a huge confession.

Keith clicked his tongue then took Lance’s hands and placed them on his butt. Oh right, that butt. That butt was the first thing Lance had been attracted to and it had gotten him into this mess. “Myself, huh? That’s dangerous.”

“More dangerous than the manhandling?” asked Lance.

“Not dangerous to you,” said Keith, quietly. He leaned in and kissed Lance lightly on the jaw. Lance wondered what Keith meant. So dangerous to himself? Lance lost track of his train of thought as Keith’s kisses travelled down his neck. Lance gripped Keith’s butt in response, loving how that felt and how it pressed him harder against Lance.

Then Keith was pulling at the hem of Lance’s shirt and lowering himself to kiss Lance’s stomach. Conversation time was over. They were both breathing heavy in anticipation… of what? Lance wasn’t sure, but Keith’s body language was a clue, especially when he trailed his kisses lower and dropped down to his knees. 

“This okay?” asked Keith, dropping Lance’s shirt so he could start to work on Lance’s buckle.

“More than okay,” said Lance, leaning his butt against the sink so he could tip his hips up to a better angle.

Keith chuckled. “So eager.” Belt undone. Fly open. Keith worked fast. Lance’s heart was beating like a kick drum as Keith unleashed his hard cock from his underwear. “O’ course you’re big too,” muttered Keith, speaking more to Lance’s cock than to him. “Mr. Perfect.”

He…

Keith thought Lance was perfect? He was dorky, loud wreck. And apparently too dumb to even realize he wasn’t straight.

We interrupt Lance’s inward spiral to bring you Keith sucking Lance’s cock into his mouth.

“Fuck, you’re just going for it,” muttered Lance, his legs shaking.

“Told ya we had to be quick,” said Keith, pumping his cock as he spoke then he took the tip and ran it along his bottom lip then his top, like he was fucking putting on chapstick. Keith sucked it in then popped it out again. Lance was dead. He was gone.

Lance’s head rolled back. He closed his eyes as Keith started up a smooth tempo. He could feel Keith’s tongue piercing drag over the bottom of his cock. Damn, that was even better than he’d imagined…

There was a ‘snap.’ Lance jerked his head back up to see Keith holding out his fingers. Had… Had he just snapped his fingers to get Lance’s attention?

“Hey,” said Keith, his tone darkening. “Eyes on me while I suck ya off.”

“I was just –”

“Don’t think about anyone else. I want you to know who is doin’ this to you.”

“Keith,” said Lance, firmly, annoyed that his attention was being doubted. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you if I tried. As soon as Hunk told me you were into me, you took over my head.”

Keith flattened his mouth, trying to hide his expression. He obviously didn’t like being wrong. “Good,” he said, finally.

“I was just thinking about how fucking amazing your tongue piercing feels on my dick.”

“Oh this,” said Keith, all innocent. Then he licked up the length of Lance’s dick.

“F-fuck yes,” moaned Lance.

Keith took Lance in then popped him out again. “Not as hot as your tongue.” Suck. Pop. “Wish I could roll my tongue on yer dick.” 

Lance shivered, biting his own lip. He could roll his tongue on Keith’s cock if he wanted to. Fuck, that thought was hot. Hotter was Keith increasing his intensity, bobbing on Lance’s cock at a steady pace while holding intense eye contact. Lance didn’t dare break it. Keith wanted to be looked at while he sucked Lance off then so be it. That possessive attitude was really working for Lance.

Maybe there was a tiny voice pointing out that yes, Lance was getting a blowjob from a dude, but there was so much else to drown it out. Keith’s mouth was so warm and wet and Lance liked seeing his eyes start to water as his cock hit the back of Keith’s throat. 

“Fuck Keith,” mumbled Lance, he was panting and gripping his fingers on the edge of the sink. Lance saw a flash in Keith’s eyes. He liked hearing his name. He made him speed up, getting both his hands involved, pumping Lance at the base as Keith’s mouth bobbed on the tip. 

Of course Keith’s blowjobs were as intense as him. Lance was taking in the sight. Keith’s face was so pretty flushed and he liked the curve of bicep through his shirt as his arm worked away. Plus that mullet hair kinda suited him, making him look really handsome and on his knees he was sticking out that tight butt of his and fuck Lance was really very much attracted to men. Holy shit this was a revelation.

“I’m close,” said Lance, his voice coming out breathy.

Keith just looked amused, dropping his hands down so he could deep throat Lance. Fuck that was so much more intense. His cock was hitting the back of Keith’s throat and he wasn’t sure he’d been given the green light to cum, but when he felt Keith give a little choke he was just so fucking done.

Lance moaned his way through his orgasm, trying so hard to keep his eyes open because he knew Keith wanted that eye contact. Like he could forget the boy who was making him see stars at the corners of his vision. “Keith,” sighed Lance, so spent. The boy in question was lapping at Lance’s softening dick.

Keith looked up at him inquisitively as he tucked Lance away for him. Lance wanted to express properly how hot Keith was and that he indeed thought Keith was the perfect one, but all he could really say was, “Wow. You’re good at that.” Stupid. Dumb.

Keith chuckled again. “No shit.” Then he stood up at pecked Lance on the mouth. “You’re cute.” Then Keith moved to the door. 

Lance grabbed his arm. “Hold on.”

“I’m already in deep shit with Coran,” said Keith.

“Exactly,” said Lance. “Let’s stay in here longer.” Then he positioned Keith where he’d been before, against the sink and dropped to his own knees, going to work on Keith’s belt.

“You don’t have -,” began Keith.

“What,” said Lance, cutting him off. “The other ‘straight boys’ never return the favour?” He did air quotes, which made Keith roll his eyes. Keith was still hard. Lance could see it clearly as it was eye level with him.

“You’re definitely Mr. Perfect,” laughed Keith. “Ya know what you’re doin’?”

“It’s intuitive,” said Lance, defensively as he undid Keith’s belt.

Lance had never tried rolling his tongue on a dick before, but he was damn well willing to try it!

Lance pulled out Keith’s cock and was surprised that despite the angle being different, he was comfortable with handling the equipment. Being full of blissful endorphins helped him not worry that he’d screw this up and be terrible at it. It was a performance. That’s what it was. Just like singing. He needed to put on a good show and this time Keith’s attention wouldn’t rattle him. He would feed off of it. 

He thought about this as he pumped Keith’s cock. That part was easy, instinctual. Keith had leaked a lot so he spread that precum around to make it nice a slick. Keith was watching, his mouth just a little bit open, breathing getting heavy. 

Okay, enough with the warm up act. Time for the big show. Lance licked it. 

He fucking licked it. 

Keith hummed his approval. “Intimidated?” 

“No!” snapped Lance, a little too defensively. 

“You don’t - ahhh,” gasped Keith as Lance took him into his mouth. 

‘Oh, so this what it’s like,’ thought Lance while bobbing on the tip. This wasn’t so bad. Better than that was the way Keith was reacting. He was working Keith up. That was good.

Lance had received enough blowjobs to know what was on the menu and he could’ve continued sucking off just the tip and let the pump of his hand do most of the work, but Keith had deep throated him and fuck he wanted to try. That’s when he sucked in his cheeks and thrust his neck forward until every inch of Keith was swallowed up and his cock tapped the back of his throat and –

Lance gagged.

“Whoa,” sputtered Lance, immediately retreating. “I have a crazy sensitive gag reflex apparently.”

“Takes practice,” said Keith, but his voice was strained and careful and his eyes were glossy. He was on the edge of something.

Lance smirked. Guess he was going to practice. He was learning, figuring it out. Shield the teeth with the lips, suck in the cheeks, stop just before you hit the back of the throat and gag.

“What about that tongue?” said Keith, apparently giving pointers even though Lance thought he was doing well on his own. Whatever, his knuckles were white gripping the sink, he was not as relaxed as he seemed.

Lance raised an eyebrow, wanting to ask what Keith meant, but was unable to speak. Mama said never speak with your mouth full.

“You gonna roll an R?”

Ohhh. Lance let Keith’s cock lay on his tongue attempted to make an R sound, which didn’t actually end up sounding anything like it, but he got the motion right.

“Shit,” moaned Keith, “Your tongue’s a vibrator.”

Variety is the spice of life so Lance decided to alternate between vibrating his tongue and bobbing on Keith’s cock. Keith let out another moan and let his head drop back.

Should Lance…? Yeah, he had to. He snapped his fingers. Keith jerked his head back up. Lance held Keith’s cock in his hand as he lectured him, “I want you looking at me so I can be sure you’re thinking about me.”

“Maybe,” said Keith, “I’m thinkin’ about fucking you.”

Lance choked and he didn’t even have a cock in his mouth as an excuse. “This… not enough for you?”

“Enough for now,” said Keith. “So you wanna take that hanging jaw of yours and go back to sucking me off?”

Lance did what he said, but he was kinda maybe a little bit angry. Now he was sucking cock angry. Who the fuck was this guy to not be grateful for Lance’s very first blowjob ever and also acting like they were gonna…? Lance couldn’t even think.

“Ya know what those other barely straight boys want from me,” said Keith, his voice barely a whisper. “They want me as their bottom, but that’s not really my thing.”

Now Lance was sucking cock confused.

“Maybe for you I would though,” said Keith and fuck if that didn’t go straight to Lance’s dick. “But if I’m being honest, Lance. I’d much rather be yer top.”

A flood of images entered Lance’s head all at once. He couldn’t even begin to sort it out since suddenly Keith was moaning. Lance hadn’t thought things through far enough to anticipate having Keith cum in his mouth, but then it was already happening. Warm and thick, Lance felt like he was drinking it down.

And then it was over and Keith was pulling out of Lance’s mouth. But Lance’s brain felt so foggy and his skin felt like it was on fire. That’s when Keith surprised him by dropping down to meet him on his knees and kissing him passionately. Keith’s hands were on Lance’s pants, pulling him out once more. Lance was so hard again (when did that happen?) it was a relief to feel Keith’s hand on him. 

Keith jerked Lance off while kissing him, setting a quick pace with both. Lance felt like he’d reached a place beyond overwhelmed which is why it was no surprise when he was cumming into Keith’s hand less than a minute later.

“Oh… babydoll…,” said Keith, between little kisses. “You get really worked up by a little dirty talk, don’tcha?”

“I…,” began Lance, his head finally clearing now that there was blood available for his brain. “I am learning so much about what I’m into tonight.”

Keith chuckled before taking his sticky hand and giving it a lazy lick.

He…

But there was a sink right there!

Ugh, Lance wanted to kiss Keith all over again.

The door bumped up against the lock. Someone was trying to get in.

“Good timin’,” said Keith with a wink, standing up to go let whoever in. Keith was honestly too fast, and Lance had to rush and tuck. He was still belting himself when some rando pushed into the bathroom, not meeting their eyes, not seeming to care what they’d been doing in there, just needing to pee.

Lance heard a bouncy pop song float through the door before it shut again. Keith returned to wash his hands. Lance did the same, using the leaky sink which, despite his earlier defense, did kinda suck.

Keith stopped him before he went to the door and adjusted his shirt and hair. “Try not to look fucked,” advised Keith. “Denial is the best defense for anything.” Then he pecked Lance on the cheek and turned to open the bathroom door for him.

“Such a gentlemen,” cooed Lance, his personality firing back up now that they were entering normal human space again.

The way Keith’s eyes met his in amusement as Lance passed him by… Woof! Lance wasn’t so sure he wanted to leave the place where he got to kiss the owner of those eyes.

“Fuck you! Fuck you very, very much!” a familiar voice belted out onstage.

“That seems poignant,” mumbled Keith.

Both their attention was drawn to the source. Seemingly, just like everyone else in the bar as literally everyone was on their feet to watch this one.

“Pidge always knows how to set the mood,” agreed Lance. His smallest, but mightiest friend was onstage, killin’ it.

“'Cause your words don't translate  
And it's getting quite late  
So, please don't stay in touch”

Lance spotted Hunk standing in front of him in the crowd with his phone out, giving Pidge his musical cues. Lance felt this sudden rush of affection towards his friends. He’d been so short with them earlier, thinking the worst of them, but the whole time they’d been trying to help him. Best wingmen those two.

“Fuck you,” sang Pidge.

“Fuck you,” harmonized Shiro.

“Fuck youuuuuu,” they sang.

“I think this is the first time I’ve ever heard Shiro say fuck,” gasped Keith.

Lance laughed. “He does read a bit straight edge.”

“You say  
You think we need to go to war  
Well, you're already in one  
'Cause it's people like you that need to get slew  
No one wants your opinion”

The crowd joined in to sing along with the “Fuck you! Fuck you very, very much!” part. Completely unsurprising that a bar full of queer people would embrace this song even if it wasn’t country.

“Hey,” said Keith, tapping Lance’s arm with his own. “I think I’m gonna take off before Coran tracks me down.”

“Oh,” gulped Lance, feeling a bit of sad that they’d have such a quick and sudden goodbye. “Can I get your number first?”

“Why?” asked Keith, looking sceptical. Okay, strange reaction to that very normal question.

“So I can text you far too much over the next few days, mostly random thoughts hoping you’ll find it funny, but more than likely you’ll find me increasingly annoying until I finally get the courage to ask you out on a proper date at which point you’ll be ghosting me if you haven’t already blocked my number.”

“I don’t wanna do any of that,” said Keith, uncomfortable.

“Oh,” said Lance, suddenly getting interested in his own feet.

“Tell ya what,” said Keith, “Why don’t I jus see you next week?”

“What’s next week?” asked Lance, lost. Had they made plans in the bathroom and his double orgasms had blanked it all out?

“Karaoke,” said Keith, reaching for comprehension from Lance. “Saturday night. You’re comin’ back, right?”

“I thought it was only once a month,” said Lance.

“Live Karaoke is only once a month,” explained Keith. “Regular Karaoke every other Saturday. Shiro hosts that too. So you’ll come?”

“It’s a date!” Lance blurted.

“Uh,” said Keith, no longer looking at him but back to the bar where a very angry Coran was looking back at him. “I gotta deal with this. Get your friends and make a run for it. No reason for both of us to take the fall.” Keith literally shoved Lance away while saying this. Then he walked towards Coran.

“So chivalrous,” sighed Lance. He knew he was supposed to be making a break for it, but he loved watching Keith’s ass while he walked away. Suddenly the view was eclipsed by Allura. She looked annoyed, her head turning to scan the crowd. Lance dipped out of sight before she spotted him.

Lance pushed his way through the singing horde, finding it difficult to get close to the stage. The song finished and Lance got knocked in the head by an elbow as some tall guy started to clap beside him.

“That was Pidge, everyone!” called out Shiro, over the applause. “Ain’t she somethin’?”

“He!” yelled out Pidge and Hunk at the same time.

“My bad,” said Shiro then he turned back to the crowd, “Ain’t he somethin’?” The applause crescendo’d again for Pidge who made devil horns with his fingers then jumped off the stage.

“Friends!” cried Lance, bursting out of the crowd and pouncing on them. “I missed you so much.” 

“Hey!” greeted Hunk, instinctively pulling him into a bear hug. “No, you didn’t, but it’s great to see you so happy.”

A guy nearby gave Hunk a once over and said, “I’ll have what he’s having.” Hunk blushed at the attention.

“Pidge!” cried Lance, turning to him. “You were awesome!”

“I know,” said Pidge, crossing him arms then he cocked atn eyebrow at Lance. “What got into you?”

“Nothing,” said Lance too quickly. Certainly not a dick in his mouth… “Can’t a guy just be in a good mood?”

Hunk and Pidge met each other’s eyes and Lance didn’t even care that he was once again being left out of their psychic conversation.

“Sorry to interrupt, but we need to hightail it out of here real quick if I’m going to avoid some serious heat.”

“Oh Lance,” sighed Hunk, “What did you do?”

“Hunk, there’s no time for explanations,” said Pidge, backing Lance up. He hunkered down, ready to sneak out, despite the fact that he was already the smallest thing ever. 

“That’s the spirit!” cheered Lance. “Let’s go!” He took a step, but then was distracted by the beautiful twangy sounds coming from the stage. Lance had to stop and admire Shiro. “Is he playing a banjo now? Dude is so multi-talented.”

“Side of the road in the ditch you rust  
A mouthful of mud from a fistful of dust  
A heart full of hurt from a head full of wine  
I’ll call you back some other time”

“Lance!” said Hunk, grabbing his arm. “What happened to the urgency?”

“Oh right,” gasped Lance, snapping out of it.

“Boy crush later,” scolded Pidge. “Let’s move!”

“Get down. I’ll cover you,” directed Hunk as they headed towards the exit. Lance flattened himself against Hunk’s back and tried to look like part of his clothing. Hunk took point, Pidge brought up the rear.

“Rollin rollin rollin  
Gathering no moss”

“Would help if we knew who we were avoiding,” muttered Pidge.

“Any staff at this point,” answered Lance.

“Mustache ahead,” whispered Hunk. Lance peeked around him to see Coran giving a talking to Keith by the bar.

“Pretty people posing questions  
I don’t wanna answer you  
Where’d you go? D’you learn your lesson?  
I put on my dancing shoes”

“Tell me, where has he gotten to?” demanded Coran.

“Where has who gotten to?” asked Keith.

Coran looked annoyed at Keith’s feigned innocence. “The other boy! The one you were with in the toilet!”

“I wasn’t with nobody,” replied Keith. Guy was good.

“Move,” whispered Lance. As a group they started to creep along the area between the bar, the exit, and where Keith and Coran was talking.

“You were,” said Coran, frustrated. “In the toilet. Allura saw you.”

“What’s a toilet?”

Coran made a frustrated, choking sound. “What is it your yanks call it? Washroom?”

“No…,” said Keith, shaking his head. “Never heard that term before. Maybe we should get google translate on this…”

“Stop trying to distract me again!” snapped Coran. “I remember what the guy looked like.”

“Rollin’, rollin’ rollin’  
With my imaginary friends  
Imagining I know’ em  
Then it’s time to roll again”

“Faster, faster, faster,” urged Lance, losing his cover so he could sprint for the door.

Keith spotted him in that moment, his eyes betraying a bit of concern before turning his attention back to Coran, nodding as if he were taking this conversation very seriously.

“Very fertile mustache pores,” said Coran, twisting his own mustache. “Lots of potential, but a troublemaker nonetheless.”

Lance opened the door and waved his friends through. Hunk bolted out first then Pidge.

“I remember his friends too,” declared Coran, “I should have the lot of them kicked. Banned even.”

“Too late, Mustache Man!” Pidge yelled from the doorway. Lance stood there in horror as Coran’s eyes turned to him and Keith let his head drop into his hand in defeat. “We’ve already removed ourselves from the premises! We’re off your property and you have no power so suck on that!” Oh, so Pidge was completely drunk…

“Sorry,” called out Lance, embarrassed. “Please don’t let this motivate you to ban us because I really want to come back. Bye Keith!”

“Just go,” groaned Keith.

Lance then blew him a kiss which was literally the dorkiest and most awkward thing he’d ever done in his lifetime of being dorky and awkward then ducked outside before he could see Keith’s reaction.

Hunk replaced him in the doorway. “We had such a wonderful time!” Hunk shouted to Coran. “I’m going to write you a rave review on Yelp!” He almost stepped away then thought better and added, “My username is FoodieBear. That’s how you’ll know it’s me. Bye Keith! Nice to meet you!”

“C’mon,” said Pidge, grabbing Hunk’s arm and yanking him out the door. “You ruined it with niceness.”

“Sorry,” said Hunk as the door swung shut behind him.

“Don’t apologize for that!” yelled Pidge.

There was a whistle and the three of them turned to see Romelle and the bartender leaning against the outside wall, passing a smoke back and forth.

“You three calling it an early night?” asked Romelle. Lance was struck by how formal she suddenly sounded. The bartender beside her was looking at Lance with a bemused look. Either that or he was checking him out. Lance apparently could not tell when boys were doing that.

“Yeah, we’re not welcome in there,” said Lance.

“Fuck’em!” shouted Pidge. Usually how loud he was correlated with how drunk he was.

“We might be banned,” said Hunk, frowning. 

“You’re not,” scoffed Romelle and it was a scoff because she suddenly sounded like she belonged on Downton Abby. 

“Coran and Allura hate us,” countered Lance.

“Coran is a big softy,” said the bartender, handing off the cigarette. “And I wouldn’t take Allura’s disdain personally. She’s got a rep for being ‘easily offended’ which is my super nice way of putting it.”

“That’s why we call her princess,” said Romelle, “because she’s so hoity toity.”

The bartender gasped. “I thought I was the only royalty around these parts.”

“You’re a queen,” she said, kindly, “she’s a mere princess. You outrank her.”

“Thank you,” he said, looking proud.

“I’ll speak with Coran on your behalf,” Romelle said to them.

“That would be awesome. Thank you,” gushed Hunk.

“That’s so charitable, Romy,” gasped the bartender, “and to complete randos.”

“Not randos,” she corrected him, “The pointy chinned one is Keith’s latest conquest.”

“Oh,” said the guy, eyeing up Lance once more, suddenly interested. “Then we must have him back.”

“We must,” agreed Romelle, blowing out a puff of smoke.

“For Keith.”

“Yes,” agreed Romelle, “and so we have something to talk about.”

“Things have gotten dull around here,” agreed the bartender. “Too much of the same faces.”

“Okay then,” said Lance, feeling weird like these two were a pair of mischievous fairies from a Shakespeare play. “We’re gonna go and I’m just going to assume we’ll get in the door next time we come.”

As if in sync, the two of them gestured for them to take leave. Yeah, definitely some kind of magical woodland fairies taking on the shape of humans or some shit like that.

“Those two are freaky,” whispered Lance as they walked away. “A real what-fools-these-mortals-be vibe.”

“Didn’t Romelle have an Southern accent inside?” asked Pidge. “Why is she British now?”

“Yeah, that was weird,” agreed Hunk. Then he completely changed the subject. “Now I don’t know about Pidge, but I am dying to hear how things went with Keith.”

Lance blushed. Oh no, here came the time when he had to decide how much of his “encounter” with Keith he would reveal. They turned to take River Street which led to the (you guessed it) river.

“We, uh, we hit it off,” said Lance, deciding to be as guarded as possible because, oh my god Keith is a boy and this felt so different than the usual play by plays he’d share after hooking up with a girl.

“I bet you did,” cackled Pidge. “Did you appreciate my distraction?”

“What distraction?” asked Lance. 

“How I got everyone in the bar up and singing!”

“Yeah, that was cool... Why’d you do that?”

“Because Hunk and I heard a rumour that two guys were fucking in the bathroom so we decided to make sure no one interrupted you.”

Lance choked, once again, not on a cock, but air. “We weren’t fucking! It was just blowjobs!”

“Whaaaaaa?” gasped Hunk.

“Oh my fucking lord, Lance!” screamed Pidge. “The rumour was two guys were making out in the bathroom. I said fucking to rattle you. And blowjobsss? Jobs plural?” Pidge was giddy and dancing ahead of them while spinning so he could keep looking back at the blushing and horrified Lance. “After all those times I got mad and told you to eat a bag of dicks, you actually followed through?”

“I didn’t eat a bag of dicks,” screeched Lance.

“You ate one. That’s a start,” cackled Pidge. “This opens up a whole new avenue of sluttiness for you.”

“Hey buddy,” said Hunk, laying a arm around Lance’s shoulders, “I’m proud of you.”

“You probably shouldn’t be proud of me for sucking off a stranger in cowboy boots in a backwater bathroom,” said Lance, but then again Hunk could twist anything to a positive.

“Yeah, but you opened up yourself to trying something new.” Case in point. “Lots of LGBTQ people –”

“LGBTQ plus!” yelled out Pidge, cupping his hands around his mouth to shout it out to the river.

“Sorry, yes, full extension of that acronym - Don’t ever follow through on their attractions for fear of being judged.”

‘They even hide it from themselves,’ thought Lance…

“You took a step today to be your truest self.”

“His truest self is slutty,” interjected Pidge.

“And that takes incredible bravery and that is why I am so very proud of you.”

“Thanks Hunk,” said Lance. Oh no, he was going to cry. How did he turn a blowjob in a dirty bathroom into an act of courage? Hunk was remarkable. “I really love you guys.”

“Ohhhh,” teased Pidge. “Time for drunken friendship and love confessions.”

“I’m actually not drunk,” said Lance, realizing it himself. “Keith drank all my drinks.”

“Speaking of Keith,” said Hunk, “Did you get his number?”

“No,” confessed Lance.

“You didn’t get the digits!” shrieked Pidge. “Amateur hour!” He turned away from Lance and then executed a perfect cartwheel. Drunk Pidge was Lance’s favourite.

“I don’t think he’s big on talking, but we agreed to meet at the bar next Saturday for regular karaoke. That’s why I didn’t want to get banned so badly.”

“Oh my gosh,” gushed Hunk. “That sounds like a date. Is it a date? Tell me it’s a date.”

“I think so,” said Lance, grinning from Hunk’s enthusiasm.

“My best friend has a date with a smooth talking country boy with a voice like an angel!”

“But what’s his dick like?” called out Pidge.

Lance and Hunk stopped in their tracks. They didn’t know where Pidge’s voice had come from. They’d lost track of him. 

“Oh my gosh he’s at the water’s edge!” cried out Hunk, running to pull their friend away from rocky shore. The River Altea had a speedy current and when Pidge was drunk they literally had to treat him like a toddler that could wander off at any second and neglect themselves to death.

Hunk padded back to the sidewalk half a minute late,r carrying Pidge over his shoulder. “You were saying?” he asked, out of breath. They began walking back to campus like that, with Pidge just hanging out and looking at his phone.

“Right. Next week. Saturday. Karaoke. Me. Game face. You two. Back up.”

“Obviously,” snorted Pidge. “You think I’m not going to watch that trainwreck of a date, you’re out of your mind.”

“A little support please,” groaned Lance, “Not rooting for me to fail.”

“Hey, I helped set you up with Keith. I am supportive gal… wait… guy? Person. I support person.”

“We got your back, buddy,” agreed Hunk.

“And I’ve got Hunk’s back,” said Pidge, giving the board back an upside down hug.

“Perfect,” said Lance, “because we are going to hit this thing up like it’s a beauty contest and I’m last year’s runner up. This week is prep week. I’m talking wardrobe. I’m talking song choices being finalized by Monday so we can rehearse all week. I’m talking maybe some choreography if we have time.”

“Seriously, choreography?” groaned Pidge. “How did you not know you were queer? And also, are we going to date Keith or defeat him in a beauty contest or are we playing Monopoly and I forgot?”

“I’m going to date him and annihilate him,” said Lance, punching the air in front of him. “Maybe he’s well rehearsed with a live band, but karaoke is my literal jam. I’m gonna wipe the floor with him.”

“Then probably fuck him on that floor,” laughed Pidge.

Lance turned red. He wasn’t ruling that out…

“It’s gonna be great,” said Hunk, ever the optimist. “I can’t wait.”

“Let’s keep our voices fresh,” said Lance, stepping ahead and turning to walk backwards so he could address them. He picked up the song Shiro had been performing when they’d left and sang, “They say that good things come to those who roll.” Then he pointed at Hunk and said, “Sing back up.”

“I don’t know this song,” said Hunk, panicked.

“Ugh. Pidge?”

“Hold on,” said Pidge, typing in his phone. “Finding the lyrics.”

Lance sighed and went back to singing on his own. “Back to someone beautiful.” He spun back to the front, enjoying the way the moon glinted of the river. It really was a beautiful night.

“Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’  
It’s time to get me gone  
The yellow lines are glowing  
Oh, highway roll me home”

“Blacktop highway,” sang Pidge, in the wrong key because he didn’t know this song.

“Highway roll me home,” crooned Lance.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs:
> 
> Bailamos - Enrique Iglesias  
> Ex's and Oh's - Elle King  
> Fuck You - Lily Allen  
> Rollin Rollin Rollin - Joel Plasket
> 
> This was literally the most fun thing to write! Thanks for reading! Thanks especially to crazyrandomhappenklance for the inspiration and RADifer for beta-ing my southern speak!
> 
> I’m starting a series for this since I really want write more of this AU and I have at least 2 more fics planned so subscribe if you like. 
> 
> Thank you crazyrandomhappenklance for the inspiriation! Check out their karaoke klance fic[Front and Centre](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16686847/chapters/39133243)! It's sooooo gooooood!
> 
> BBBK xoxoxo

**Author's Note:**

> Spotify [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6XQ0tz6LwtoYvydDXVqcdH) for this fic


End file.
